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Is Something Supposed to Happen?

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Mary Poppins is a favorite movie among the girls in our family. I remember the first time I watched it with our oldest. It had been years and years since I had seen the movie, and yet, I could recite not just the songs, but most of the script too. It’s funny how our brains do that! If only I could remember important things like that! I have always loved the chalk drawing scene where Mary Poppins, Burt, Jane and Michael hop into Burt’s country-side chalk drawing. It’s comical before they actually jump in because Burt attempts to get them into the drawing. Remember, “First you wink, you do a double blink, then JUMP!” Upon realizing they are still standing on the street, sweet Jane looks up and says, “Is something supposed to happen?”

I’ve been saying, “Is something supposed to happen” to myself since last night when I devoured an entire plate of a delicious pasta dish I made with traditional semolina pasta. It was terrifying, exciting and very strange to be eating that pasta after so long. I took those first few bites cautiously, trying not to psych myself out and create side effects that weren’t really there. I finished my plate of food and even took the last leftover bites on my daughter’s plate and went on with my evening. Honestly, I strongly expected to be miserable. Doubled over in pain…stuck in the bathroom…horrible headache. Just plain sick. I hardly got a tummy ache. WHAT? Yes, my stomach felt, I don’t know, surprised by this foreign ingredient, but hostile to it? Not so much. I sort of felt dizzy a couple of times, but nothing to write home about.

This afternoon, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a piece of wheat bread. My stomach stirred on it for a bit, but nothing painful, just again, it seems a bit surprised. This is so weird to me. What I am noticing, however, is that my arms feel like they are burning and they are weak. Like, if I try to tighten my hands into a fist, I don’t have as much strength as usual. Who knows.

When I decided with my doctor yesterday to pursue the endoscopy and to eat gluten again for the test, it never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t have a reaction to it (at least not a intestinal/stomach reaction). I was trying to mentally prepare myself for 2 weeks of feeling awful and never entertained the thought I wouldn’t be sick. Since I am not having that reaction, I, of course, have all sorts of things going through my mind. What if gluten isn’t my problem? What if I don’t have Celiac? What if I have spent the past 11 months educating myself on the ins and outs of gluten-free cooking, baking and living and I am going to find out I don’t have to live gluten-free? Wow.

To say that I feel confused is an understatement. Which brings me to another line in Mary Poppins that is floating around in my head. “Burt, what utter nonsense.”

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